Sunday, January 27, 2008

A Latte At

I had a break from work this past week and took full advantage to be selfish, relax and dream. I've been reading a book called Wear More Cashmere and I love the concept of "pampering your inner princess." Lots of interesting ideas to make life more romantic and fun.

The best day in my week of indulgance was Wednesday. I had gone to bed early (9pm!!) and woke up feeling great. Damon took Sidney to the sitters so I got to take my time getting ready. I made myself a vanilla soy latte with my new espresso maker and sipped and browsed Tiffany' I wore a cashmere sweater and a silk scarf that was my mom's and just felt like a million bucks! I met my friend Mary at Yana's for a ladies lunch and then we went to the Ellen Noel Art Museum. We had the place to ourselves and were able to take our time soaking up the atmosphere. One of the ladies working at the museum mentioned a store in Midland that specializes in antique clothing so we spur of the moment went to check it out. It was fun to rummage through all the treasures. We finished the day off by going to the movies. We saw Atonement which is a beautiful movie. On the sad side but beautiful.

There were a few flaws in my perfect week. My friend Laura had to cancel for lunch and Damon was in a car accident but over all it was a wonderful and much needed break. I also started back to school this week. I'm taking Texas and Federal Government as self-paced courses. Which means I'm basically teaching myself. I broke out the highlighter last night and read my first chapter. It felt good to be doing something to improve me. It's so easy to become stagnant and this has been a good thing to upset my life as usual. Shake off some fear and learn something new.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Have a Magical Day!

My friend Mary told me that is how the Disney staff answer the phone at their resorts. She said that she liked to say it to people who gave her a hard time on the phone. Just a little statement about your frame of mind. I've realised that I'm missing that element of magic & wonder in my life. As I go through my usual routines I'm so bogged down in checking off my required tasks that I'm missing the things that make life magical. The past few weeks when I got off the elevator at work there have been some amazing sunrises but I just walk by the window. My thoughts have been along the line of: "Things to do and I'm already behind for the day." But really what does 2 minutes matter in the grand scheme thing of things. When I'm not at work I'm usually at home in my pajamas watching educational TV with Sidney. Even Odessa has wonders to see (believe it or not) and I'm missing experiencing them with my daughter. Granted it is winter and that limits excursions to the park but we have museums and galleries and shopping! I'm starting to see shopping as a "fun tax." Not crazed spending sprees but why not buy that pair of black pumps that I've been looking at for the past 2 months? A little indulgence can be good for the soul not to mention an expression of freedom. Freedom from always having to act like a responsible grown-up. I've never been a silly person but I really need to stop taking myself so seriously. Lighten up and live a little! Today's a good to start!

Friday, January 11, 2008

New Beginnings

Today I enrolled at OC so that I can complete my pre-reqs and start the BSN program at Texas Tech this fall. I was nervous about going through the registration process but it was very easy. I haven't done anything school related in almost 10 years! I'm taking 2 classes: US & Texas Government. Should be fun considering we're in an election year. To new beginnings!

Monday, January 07, 2008

My Mom

My mom passed away from ovarian cancer almost 7 years ago. She was 53 years old. I really miss her. As my daughter gets older the holidays seem to get tougher. This year I cried as I decorated our Christmas tree. I cried as I wrapped gifts. Pretty much any opportunity I was crying. Lots of tears. Doesn't really make for a fun holiday season. I don't like being so sad but in a way it keeps me connected to her. Missing her so much I can't forget her.

She was very unique. Her sense of style was her own. From her hair to her clothes. I remember when I was in high school being so embarrassed that my mom would wear miniskirts. She wore leggings when leggings weren't cool and loved to wear high heels. She would cut her own hair and used to let my brother color it for her.

Growing up I made things difficult for her. I'm not a selfless person. I was never satisfied with what she did for me. But she loved me anyways. Even when I refused to get the ground beef out of the freezer to thaw so she could make dinner. Even when I forgot her birthday and complained about having to share a car with her. She knew all my faults and still loved me.

She was a great wife. I never heard her say anything negative about my dad except once. She said he was selfish. Of course she was in the hospital getting chemo so it wasn't ordinary circumstances. And she was right.

She loved to sing. She loved being involved at church. Things that I have trouble with now. When we go to any church I cry. When I sing I cry. So I rarely sing. Even to my baby. Lots of emotion in singing. It's hard to make a joyful noise when you don't feel especially joyful.

She had a tender spot for my brother. He could do nothing wrong and she protected him from as many consequences as she could. She didn't do tough love even though that may have been the best thing for him. She wasn't a strict disciplinarian. She had a lot of trust that we would make good choices.

She knew I could always do better. She was right. What I settled for was never what I was fully capable of. Especially with school. I don't remember her being afraid to try things. From taking dance lessons to being involved in the local levels of politics. She lived free of fear. I think I've always been afraid. Afraid to fail. Afraid to not be good enough.

She loved chili dogs and Frito pie. One week we had Frito pie 4 nights in a row. Maybe she was testing us to see when we would decide to help fix dinner. I couldn't eat Frito pie for a long time after that.

She became my best friend. I'm thankful that I can say that but it makes losing her more painful. Even after 7 years. I love you Mom. I wish you could hold Sidney and that we could all be together. When she first picked your picture up on my desk she called you "Angel." I don't know how she knew that but she was right.